Slender Man

Well, He’s Not The Only Thing Slim

I came into Slender Man expecting a B-grade horror flick with some poorly executed but creepy visuals. Oh ho, if the movie was only so generous to provide that! Instead, I became a hostage to an awkward movie full of old-school horror teenagers in the current day featuring a horror creature who is just, forgettable.

Best Dumb Friends

These girls ignore all the red flags

The premise is these best friends, who are the hallmark of the “cringy close girlfriends” idea. There’s one girl that loves making inappropriate comments with a childish smile like, “Your heart is warm, unlike mine which is cold and empty, haha – I wish we could just die together – teehee”. I laughed aloud wondering if anyone wants to talk about her random and inappropriate statements? No one thinks to stop her and just ask, “ Hey do you need help or something?” Anyway, this girl disappears, and the friends are hyper-invested in getting her back. Well, it’s really only one of them… The others are like, “Yeah it sucks but I have to move on with life, I got sports trials and dicks to worry about.”  However, this one girl refused to let it go so she got her friends on board to make things worse because smart decisions don’t work with these type of movies.

Lazy Horror

“Do you like scary movies? No, I mean good ones.”

So the scares provided here are -and I’m being fair- strictly terrible. They lack any earned suspense but then pushes all these acid trips upon you and expects a reaction. We don’t know what the Slender Man does, and we don’t know what to be afraid of when he appears. It says, sometimes he takes you, sometimes you die, and sometimes you go crazy… So basically whatever the writer wants, he can do. A creature that can do anything is essentially boring because early in the horror phase you realize that these girls are screwed just because of how helpless they are to this creature.

It’s Terrible

What you mean, “terrible”?

In the end, it’s a lousy horror movie filled with these spooky visuals that are wasted because nothing is done with them. There were large signs of bad edits, with characters’ plot points appearing then just disappearing for the rest of the movie. This movie is an example of horror done for sake of trying to cash in on something. There isn’t enough about Slenderman to make a movie because movies usually require plot and lore, and you need enough of it to make a decent narrative. It’s terrible.

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